It's a Catspiracy, I Tell You

The Siamese twins were really ganging up on their human yesterday.

First it was Princess, who leapt up onto my laptop out of nowhere while I was writing. The problem is, my natural reflex is to pick her up. Big mistake. Out came her claws, and then out came two keys on my keyboard. I got one of the keys to snap right back in. The other, not so much. Great. (This has been the fate of several computers I've owned now!) The sign of a true catlady: I can't have nice things.

Now, I already knew Princess was the evil one. She seems sweet and innocent and docile, but in reality she's so evil that all she has to do is stare MadMax down -- with her giant blue eyes -- and he runs off to the other end of the house and hides. Which is probably half the reason KittyProzac became an absolute necessity (unless I wanted him peeing all over the house to announce that the house was his, not hers).

When it comes Monster, on the other hand, Princess always has to evict him, wherever he is, to steal his spot. But first she waits for him to warm it up for her and then just stares at him until he moves. If necessary, she'll swat at him in the middle of his nap. It's out-and-out cat elder abuse. She's such a...Princess.

It's easy to say that Monster is evil just because he doesn't like to be held and has had to undergo so much "affection training" (i.e., I give him a snack only if he lets me pick him up and and pet him for one second without growling, biting, or scratching). However, Monster doesn't have the sense of entitlement Princess has, so his heart basically seems like it's in the right place.

Usually Monster just follows me around and rubs up against my leg if he really wants something (such as an affection training session -- i.e., cat treat -- although honestly he fails to earn his treat at least 25% of the time). If worse comes to worst, he might start knocking things over to try to get his way (I sometimes refer to this as "throwing things.") It's that classic cat move  -- "nudge nudge nudge CRASH!" He was doing a lot of that yesterday -- even though he had plenty of food and had just gotten a snack. Sometimes I have no idea what he wants from me.

Then I was in the kitchen making a tuna salad sandwich, when suddenly Monster leapt onto the counter, right onto the bread on a plate!

I mean, who does that?

I supposed that if he could talk he would have said, "Catlady, make me a sandwich!"

MadMax was the only one who was behaving at all yesterday. But he's on the drugs that apparently all of us so desperately need...